River of Mist is my first record.

 River of Mist came into being because a dream led me through a door into a room full of song. All the songs I had hidden away and forgotten.

 And despite the eruptions of terror at the thought of sharing them, there was a quiet knowing that I would begin to move the songs and my voice out of the hidden rooms where they had lived and waited all these years.

 Clarissa Pinkola Estés writes that when a woman follows what is trying to live through her, the psyche rearranges itself.

This is what started to happen- a movement toward wholeness. And even though the resistance I felt around it seemed to somehow overpower the longing, I continued to move towards it.

I found a drum circle where women were making sound with their faces hidden behind the orbs of ancient frame drums. Hiding my face was helpful at first. And the women at these circles were so loving and supportive and most were equally terrified to use their voices. I had a powerful moment of realization one night- as smoke danced into angel wings around the fire and I was toning through the drum under the stars-that I had entered into a deep initiation.

 “All journeys have a secret destination of which the traveler is unaware.”

 I thought this journey was about finding the confidence to be able to share my songs and put out a record and that was a part of it, but the true, immeasurable treasure of the journey has been the Anam Cara I found. In searching for a way to ease a paralyzing performance anxiety and sing my songs in public, I found my soul sisters of many lifetimes, a safe space to remember and to rise and the deepest sense of true belonging.

 I was gathered-softly, kindly-into these circles of women whose presence felt hauntingly familiar and trulysafe. These women so clearly carried an ancient wisdom, a Faery magic, and many times- a wounding that mirrored my own. Each woman I encountered felt like a doorway themselves, back into the dearest, truest and most thrilling magical realms I had once known. Together we honored the Celtic turning of the Wheel and the phases of the moon. I began to experience what happens when women dance under the stars together, make sound together and when we witness one another without correction or hurry. There was so much magic and ferocity, humor and tenderness, inspiration and joy-as well as an unwavering commitment to be witness to the divine light we all are. We shared our voices-not as perfect, flawless instruments but as frequencies being transmitted and portals being opened. Of course, our muted voices mirror the long silencing of the Divine Feminine and the exiling of Holy Mother from the center of our lives. We all innately know this reclamation of our voices is big and beyond us but needs to happen through us. This helps me move beyond any small agenda of fear that might still try to keep me silent.

 My sisters knew my ginormous longing to sing these songs. They knew the ridiculous level of fear I felt to do it. They held the perfect, gentle space for me to begin. And so I chose a door, and another and another where versions of life that honor the bigger, longer story began to be told. Invitations to play in sacred circles and sacred sites came in. My dear friend and channel, Udana, Karen Renée Robb of Frame Drum Wisdom, Jennifer Harvard of Gaia Sisterhood, Dasha Bond of Dreaming with Bees, Writer and Shaman- Dana Micuci and Divine Feminine scholar and Dove Mother, Marguerite Rigoglioso, all invited me to sing in their concerts, retreats and Goddess circles. And in a moment that felt completely dreamlike, Robert Moss invited me to bring these songs to a mountain gathering of writers, teachers and dreamers devoted to imagination and soul. I was still terrified to share in front of strangers but before a glowing fire in a wood beamed lodge on the mountain, I was able to share the songs for these seasoned journeyers and again find they were not strangers but more family of soul who received the songs beyond my wildest imaginings. Robert has since used my songs for his classes, invited me to sing for an interview on the Shift network, shared my story in books and on his Way of the Dreamer radio show. He has brought a masculine support and avalanche of magic to this journey too.

 I had pressed 500 CDs, not sure how to sell even 10. But nearly all of them sold-not through promotion -because I never got around to that- but through relationship and shared presence and hopefully through the recognition that I was sharing something authentic and uplifting.

 River of Mist is my fist record. It is my sharing of the things I’ve learned so far, the magic I came in with, and the reclaiming of my voice for healing and joy beyond my own.

My amazing husband and my Soul-sisters and brothers were the sacred doorways, the magic keys and loving holy helpers who allowed me to continue on this path of belonging.

Along with the Marys and the Faeries, Raven and the Trees, my Giant and my Dragon, the Ancestors and all those helpers I may not yet be aware of.

 To be a sacred doorway for another is the deepest, most divine fun. I pray that my presence in all the realms, my witnessing the light that we ALL are, and my imaginings create sacred doorways for anyone who is willing and ready.

And my writing this little passage has been another door into even deeper gratitude for it all.

Which feels like the perfect place to begin.

With Love

Blessed Bee

Kristin

My husband and I recorded this album over many years. We only worked on it at night after we got the boys down to sleep. I wasn’t sure why I was doing it. I had given music up entirely for decades. I had chosen art and family and felt the music door had firmly closed.

I was happy and content with these choices for a long time. Then something changed. In night dreams, I began wandering through the hallway of a thousand doors. Again and again, I found myself there, choosing doors, or avoiding them.

I knew this was a real place. And that these dreams were telling me the deeper wishes of my soul.